This past week I was looking through old photos on my computer and I came across this one from May of 2006.
This was taken 14 days after I was diagnosed with stage 2B breast cancer, 8 days after Dante’s 6th birthday. It was taken in his kindergarten class at the Mother’s Day celebration. Don’t you love my big tissue paper corsage? I look at this photo now and it makes me both happy and sad. He was a small innocent boy; look at those eyes and that sweet smile. Neither one of us knew what was in store. I was trying to put on my brave face, after all Moms are supposed to make it all better. I know that I was thinking “I am going to enjoy every moment as I don’t know how many more Mother’s Day celebrations that I will get to share with him.” Less than a month later my long hair was gone, a daily reminder of cancer and chemo and a fight to survive. This small innocent boy had to face the reality of cancer, his Mom could die. No six year old should have to go through that.
We made it through cancer, and chemo and surgeries and healing, not without physical and emotional scars. I feel badly that he now has to go through a divorce. He has been through so much. Am I a perfect Mom? No. Have I made mistakes? Yes. Do I love my Son? Yes… I have loved him from the first day I knew his Birth Mother had chosen me to be his Mom. So many children of our Mother’s with Cancer have lost their Moms too early. It pains me that another Mother, who has never even met me, could try to interfere with our relationship. Yesterday, I was so angry yet so hurt at the same time that the only thing I could think to do was to go to church and pray to the Blessed Mother. Check back tomorrow to see what I found while I was there.