I am so happy to be writing this story. My daughter was
adopted at 2 days old. Her Birth Mother selected us from a resume that we
compiled. We never met her. She was given two of the hospital birth photos.
We knew quite a few details about her family and medical history
but no identifying information as the adoption was private. She was born in
Pennsylvania, but the adoption took place in New York State. We were told that
when my daughter was 18, she would be able to sign the adoption registry and if
her birth mother also signed, the records would be opened.
Nina knew that she was adopted and we shared all of the
information that we knew. All except one piece of information. When I received
the paperwork I had noticed that the attorneys had forgotten to black out her Birth Mother’s last name on one of the bills. That is how I knew that part of
Nina’s heritage was Irish. My feeling was that I would honor our agreement that
we would not look for her and she would not look for us... until Nina was
18. Nina always talked about wanting to
meet her Birth Mother. Two questions that she always wanted answered were: Who
do I look like? and Does she think about me?
Society is so accustomed to biology, people just naturally try to figure
out where the resemblance is: do you look like your Mom or your Dad? Even in
school, usually at the beginning of the year the kids always have to talk or
write about their heritage.
Adopt means… to take as one’s own. They did take our
heritage, but it does not mean that she did not wonder whose biology she was
made of and what was her biological heritage.
Last year when Nina turned 18 she had wanted to fill out the
paperwork and start the process. The year was quite traumatic for all because
of our divorce. I told her when she was ready I would help her. My biggest
concern as a Mother was to protect her. I was worried that if her Birth Mother
did not want to be found it would be another source of abandonment and disappointment.
Nina had decided she was prepared for that event, but that she had to try to
find her. I decided I would let Nina go through the legal procedure and if for
some reason the records could not be opened then I would hire a private
detective to find her and make sure that she wanted to be found. I had even
done a few internet searches but nothing concrete had come up.
The weekend of September 7th was a very difficult
weekend for Nina and her paternal adoptive family. She was very upset and
crying most of the weekend. Mean things had been said by both sides. As a
Mother, you want to make it all better, but I just did not know what else to
do, except pray. I said a few extra rosaries. Sunday after mass I always
light a candle at the Statue of Our Blessed Mother and ask her to watch over
our family. This Sunday I asked for extra help for Nina, to relieve her pain.
When Nina came home from work, she sat down on the couch and
was so exhausted from the emotions of the weekend. She was so sad. Dante was
playing his video games. For some reason, I decided to pick up my phone and put
her Birth Mother’s last name into my phone and the word 'adoption'. An “adoption
connect” site popped up and the 7th entry down read:
25-Mar-2009
I am searching for my daughter who was born
June 7, 1994. She was born in St. Mary's, PA but the adoption took place in
Buffalo, NY. I am her birth mother and want to find her. She has a birth mark
on her forehead. I was too young to care for a child, but have never forgotten
her and hope she was given the life I could not give her.
I could not believe my
eyes. The only incorrect piece of information was the year. I put my phone
down. I told her that we had to believe and trust that God was watching out for
us. I could not tell her why I felt this way, at this moment but I would tell
her when I could. I started to cry and both kids looked at me strangely. Nina
asked if it was a good thing and I said “yes”. I was waiting for Dante to go to
bed, so I could have some private time with Nina to share this news. She was so
exhausted that she went to bed before him.
When the house was
quiet, I went in to wake her up and I asked her to bear with me as I told her
the whole story. I explained how I knew that she was Irish and why I did not
tell her her biological last name. Then I read the post to her. She started to
cry. When I first read the post my biggest concern was alleviated, “does her
Birth Mother want to be found”. When Nina heard the post, one of Nina’s
questions was answered, “does she think about me?”
Nina hopped out of bed
and turned on her computer. She registered on the site and pressed the correspond with this person button. She
wrote:
If your name is Melanie, and your Mom’s name is
MaryAnn and you gave me the name Leila at birth and your birthday is October
28. I am your daughter. I have a birthmark on my right temple.
This message was sent at
10:30pm on a Sunday night. One guess as to who did not sleep much that night?
The next day at about 11:00am, I got a call at work: “Mom… Melanie responded”
that started a whirlwind trail of emails and information and 19 years of
questions answered on both sides. Melanie sent a photo of herself. The biggest
question of all. “Who do I look like” was answered. Nina looks just like her
birth Mother with the exception of her nose.
Wednesday was going to
be the first phone conversation. As I was driving home that night I thought …
how do I ever thank Melanie for the gift she gave me? I started to cry, which
is not the smartest idea while traveling on the freeway. When I got home, they
were talking and Nina let me speak with Melanie. I told her that I do not know
how to thank her and she said the same to me. We talked for quite a while and
when we were done I told her that I loved her. I don’t even know her, yet I
love her. It was so nice to hear the two of them talk and laugh, to hear pure
pleasure in my daughter and tears of joy.
In the same day, one
door shut and another opened on a whole new family. She has a Birth Mother, a Birth Father, a Step Father, a full biological Brother, 1/2 biological Brother
and Sister that are twins, a birth Grandmother and a birth Great-Grandmother an
Aunt and an Uncle and two Cousins. She is emailing, texting and talking with
them every day. We are planning a trip to meet all of them.
Melanie said when she
read the email, she was speechless. She sat stunned. Her husband came
downstairs and asked her what the matter was? She said that she could not
speak, she just turned the laptop towards him and let him read it for himself.
She had written the post to find Nina 3 ½ years ago! Both Nina and Melanie agree that this week has
been surreal and amazing at the same time. Two of the best things that I could
hear Nina say were “Thank you Mom” and “They love me and they don’t even know
me.”
So many prayers were answered
that day…
1 comment:
This is one of the greatest stories I have read!!! I'm so happy for all of you! During the toughest times in our lives the greatest things can happen!
Guy
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