This photo was taken over 8 years ago. A day after I was
diagnosed with breast cancer. My life, my body and my hair would never really be the same. I think we were really all still in shock, we
did not know what was to come. I carry the physical wounds and we all carry the
emotional wounds. Every day since my treatment ended in 2007 the cancer
experience has faded a bit more each day….
Until last Thursday.
I have been having progressively more pain in my hip bones…
mostly my right hip. It comes and goes. Sometimes after I run or dance, I am in
extreme pain and I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I also sit a lot at work,
my job has required a crazy amount of hours and I think that has made the
situation even worse. My oncologist ordered a bone scan as breast cancer can metastasize
to the bone.
I have always been a proponent of early detection… but this
time I really did not want to know or face the fact that my cancer could be
back. I also really did not want to spend the $1400.00 on the scan, but my
daughter and a close friend urged me to:
“just do it”.
The morning leading up to the scan, I was becoming more
worried. I went to the imaging center and received the radioactive injection
and then waited the 3 hours before I had the actual scan. I went to get some
lunch at a place that I used to frequent in my past life, as I like to call it.
I think that may have even made it harder to keep it together. Thank goodness for
I returned to the imaging center and the technician was a
very nice man. I lay down on the machine and he wrapped me in warm blankets. He
asked that I lay very still and the test started. In that instant I was taken
back to the days following this picture, MRI’s and PET scans and a bone scan,
talks of chemo and hair loss and a mastectomy and reconstruction and possible radiation. The
tears started to gently roll from the sides of my eyes, down my temples and
into my ears. Have you ever lain flat on your back and cried? It is a very weird
feeling. A different sort of a wet Willy. At a certain point when you continue
to cry it becomes hard to lay still AND still breathe. The tech came out to re-position
me and offered me a tissue… he was so sweet he even wiped the tears from my
The test only took about 20 minutes and then the wait began.
On Tuesday, I called the doctor to ask for the results but they did not have
them. Today, the wait was over…
The nurse called… which is always a good sign in my book:
My first call was to Nina and then Dante so they would not
have to worry any longer.
What a relief, I will still have to see some other
doctors to try and figure out what the cause of the pain is, but the best news
is that it is not
Twenty one years ago
today this sweetheart came into the world.
Duke, Nina & Rocky
She has been through some things in her life that many
adults have not been through and she has come through it all. I am happy that
she has her birth family in her life now too and that her heart is whole again.
I am so proud of the woman that she has become. She is responsible and hard
working. She has a contagious laugh, an ear-deafening “spider” scream and the singing
voice of an angel. She is a great older
sister to her 4 younger siblings. She loves her animals and she is an amazing
daughter to her 2 Moms and 3 Dads.
Mario, Nina and Rocky - (he is an old man of 18 years)
What an amazing 21 years we have had and I will forever be grateful to call her my daughter.